Simon's Gander

It was a cold and blustery January evening when Jacob finally got through to his buddy Simon after what seemed like hours of only getting busy signals. "What in the cat hair have you been doing on the phone all afternoon?" he quipped in one long breath. Then without stopping to let Simon answer,he proceeded to enlighten him on the millions of Canada geese he had seen flogging over Highway 43 and how they were pitching in to Fred Miller's wheat field for a free lunch.

When Jacob had finished he heard his friend take a long slow breath as if he were about to relate a piece of bad news, then pause, followed by a disbelieving chuckle. "That's good to hear, Jake, but old man Miller ain't about to let us shoot those pet geese he's been feeding all summer."

"No, no," Jacob retorted, "I'm telling you there's a million of them and old man Miller is fit to be tied over the fact that they're grazing his wheat into the ground. Seems those wild resident birds he'd been feeding all summer acted like decoys to the passing migrants and they are eating him out of house and wheat field as it were. Simon, he about danced a jig when I asked him if we could hunt them birds. You be here at 5:45 in the morning and don't forget, it's your turn to buy the donuts."

Simon stammered for a moment and then muttered, "Jacob, I don't feel much like going in the morning. You see, well, Susie---."

Jacob cut him off right there, "You're not going to let that woman interfere with what could be the hunting trip of the decade for the two of us, are you? What are you, whipped or something?"

"Jacob, Susie ain't like your wife," Simon returned in a quivering voice. "She expects me to spend as much time with her as I can. Maybe once we're married she'll settle down about me being gone so much on the weekends, at least maybe once some of the new has worn off. You and Jan were probably in the same shape when you were dating, weren't you?"

"Buddy, it doesn't get better after you're married. It only gets worse. In stead of sweetly trying to persuade you not to do something when you're dating, they tell you four hundred reasons why you can't do something once you're married. And it really isn't fair to her if when you're dating you fool her into thinking that you're not going to spend a lot of time in the great outdoors and then expect to go hunting all the time when you're married. It just doesn't work that way. Both of you need to know the other's interest and be willing to allow each other their own life, as well as a life together. I hate to say it, but if she doesn't understand your need for outdoor recreation, then you may need to give her the gate and find someone who does."

"Jacob, you just don't understand," Simon replied. "Women as pretty as Susie don't just grow on trees."

"Neither do hunting partners," Jacob replied and nervously changed the flow of conversation. "If by some miracle you're able to go in the morning, be here at 5:45 'cause that's when the truck's leaving. If not, well, I guess all I can do is keep asking. Talk to you later."

Jacob was awake long before the alarm proclaimed the beginning of a new hunting day. His wife Jan softly nudged him in an attempt to get him to shut it off. "Is Simon going with you?" she asked in a sleepy mumble.

"I don't know," replied Jacob. "We kind of left that open ended."

"Well, you be careful out there in this weather," she remarked. "The weatherman said we would be lucky to see 10 degrees today."

"Well, honey," he replied in a sarcastic voice, "I don't plan on going alone. Sis will be there to watch over me."

"That's right," she retaliated. That dog does have more sense than you do. Now get out of here and let me get some sleep, and don't expect to see me until late. Kathy and I are going into the city this afternoon."

Sis was whining softly when Jacob got to the kennel, knowing when the alarm went off long before daybreak that this was a hunting day.

"Well Sis," Jacob spoke softly to the dog, "if Susie had your outlook on life we wouldn't have to worry if Simon would be here or not."

Jacob moved quickly to load the decoys on the truck, all the time listening for the sound of Simon's 240Z in the drive. He still couldn't believe Simon had traded his old International in on that pansy car, but then when a buck's rutting he doesn't think too straight. Jacob finished loading his gear and after waiting five extra minutes, pulled out into the highway and headed north.

The wind was kicking up when Jacob pulled into the gate at the Miller farm and he looked out to where the terrace split the field into two pieces before dumping into a long grass waterway. It would give the geese the kind of protection from the frigid wind they would be looking for on this cold January day and also a grassy hide to conceal the dog and himself. He shivered at the thought of how many trips it would take him to get all those decoys to where he planned to set up. "Sis, I sure wish now I had called John to see if he wanted to go instead of counting on Simon--but I sure thought he'd be here."

The cold wind and the thoughts of action to come energized Jacob and he quickly had his gear moved and his decoy spread set. He had just settled into the shallow ground blind when Sis jumped up and went barking off into the dark.

"Get in here, Sis," Jacob hollered, "or that skunk will make you wish you didn't have a nose."

"Just because I'm late doesn't mean you have to call me a skunk," came the reply from out of the gloom."

"Well, it's about like you, Simon, to show up after all the work is done," replied Jacob. " What happened, did your jailer give you a reprieve?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Simon responded sharply. "Here, I brought your dog-gone donuts. I hope you have strong teeth because I think they froze up during my two mile walk down that poor excuse of a road."

"I don't want to hear about it," Jacob said. "Anybody that's crazy enough to trade off a perfectly good truck for a wind-up Tonka toy deserves what he gets."

"Just shut up Jacob, and blow that call. The light is starting to come up and we want those geese to know that breakfast is on, don't we?"

Two hours passed without a sign of a goose in the air but the two partners filled the time with talk of guns, dogs, fishing and and local events. However, a cloud of tension hung in the air with each man wanting to bring up the real subject at hand, but neither knowing quite how to do it.

Sis was first to hear the sounds they had come for and she whined softly as a warning to the two men. All eyes turned westward to the faint cries of 300 Canada geese moving toward them at a distance.

"Well, it ain't quite a million of them," Simon whispered, "but it'll do 'til something better comes along."

Jacob's voice quivered with excitement. "It looks like they're all going to come in at once. Better get your two on the first pass 'cause that may be the only one we get."

The birds seemed to move ever so slowly toward the lush wheat field, growing larger in appearance with each passing second. Suddenly they cupped their wings and started the long glide toward the decoys and the two hunters lying in the grass.

Simon's heart raced and his mind whirled. Could there be any thrill bigger than the one he was experiencing right now?

Jacob had dropped his call and was grasping his gun with sweaty palms. The sound of geese greeting the decoys was so loud that he thought he might go deaf. Just ten more yards, he thought.

Suddenly, the birds picked up their wing beat again and whirled to the right, gaining altitude and taking advantage of the wind.

Simon looked despairingly over at his friend who by now was frantically searching for the call around his neck.

Jacob pleaded on his call, trying to turn the geese back, but they kept gaining altitude. "What did we do wrong?" Jacob cried.

"Nothing," replied Simon. "They're turning, they're turning, get down."

The birds made a slow turn into the wind and again cupped their wings. Jacob kept up a constant serenade on his call, greeting them with as much gusto as he could muster. The lead bird was in range now with her congregation of followers dipping and gliding behind, losing altitude with the grace of acrobats. The leader lowered her landing gear and hit the ground, followed closely by thirty of the nearest birds in her flock.

Sis whined and Simon hollered, "Let's take 'em," and the world exploded with flying geese, dogs, and men.

Jacob's double spoke twice and two Sunday dinners hit the ground. Simon picked the biggest bird he could see, connected and swung on the next closest bird. He nearly pulled the trigger off the gun on his second attempt to get the gun to fire again. "!@#!@@## one shot automatic, the !@#$$! is jammed again," he cursed. The world quieted down quickly and the two men stood and watched as 297 Canada geese winged noisily away and Sis began earning her dog chow.

"Nice big birds, aren't they?" Simon stated. 'Reckon they're giant Canadas."

"As big as these two are, they must be," Jacob remarked, "but I believe the second one I shot was a lesser from up north. Might as well sit down. There's a possibility that we might get another flight."

Time went by slowly for the two friends as they waited for another flight so they could fill Simon's limit. They talked about everything but what was really on their minds. Jacob finally couldn't stand it any longer. "Simon, I know it's none of my business," he started, "but, well, if two friends can't talk about their problems, then what good are they? So tell me, did you and Susie get things worked out or did you have to sneak out here this morning?"

"Jacob, I guess you might as well know. Last night I told Susie that she was the most important thing in my life, and if she required all my free time, than that's what she'll get," he replied. "But then last night in bed all I could think about was the fact that I was missing out on a great opportunity not going with you this morning. So when I woke up at 5:30 this morning I decided not to miss out on this hunt and I don't regret it one bit."

"So what are you going to do about Susie?" Jake asked.

Before Simon cold answer, the two men were interrupted by Sis who stiffened and looked intently down wind. The old gander that had been leading the flock was out about a hundred yards or so with wings set. The two men watched intently as she closed the gap between herself and the decoys. At forty five yards the memory of the mornings encounter must have caught up with her and she fought frantically to gain altitude as the two human forms jumped from the grass below.

Jacob and Sis looked inquisitively at Simon and the shotgun he held at his shoulder. "What happened?' Jacob asked. "Did you forget to load your gun?"

Simon just looked at him with a sad and relieved expression.

"What in the world is the deal?" Jacob insisted. "Why didn't you take her?"

Simon smiled and shook his head. "Buddy," Simon replied, "sometimes you just have to let one go."

-- C. K. Rice